Saturday, April 20, 2013

Zombie Classification 101

zombies Alright, we’ve all imagined the zombie apocalypse as it might go down – a lighting fast virus that starts in the news, and ends on the streets. Zombies will terrorize all corners of the Earth, with only the most prepared and resilient left fighting for survival. But ask around, and you’ll get quite a wide variety of the “right” depiction of what a zombie will be. Are they ultra-fast “infecteds” that “rage” and hunt down humans with increased strength and speed? Are they the slow mob of rigamortis riddled corpses that are only dangerous in large groups? Perhaps zombies will resemble humans evolved into a complete other form, bent on consuming and converting their former ancestors? Let’s take a look at the breakdown of different types of zombies we might expect, and what their unique benefits and drawbacks would be…

The Shirker

shirker zombie The shirker is the most popular depiction of a zombie, and what most people statistically would expect. They are in fact a corpse – affected by rigamortis, partially rotten, and often hobbling or crawling across the landscape. The benefits to shirkers are, they move slow – and can typically be easily beaten one, or even two at a time in an open area. Downsides to the shirker are that they persist the longest; being that even partial corpses could crawl up from behind a park bench to bite your ankle. In a shirker zombie apocalypse, strategy can almost always endure – as humans possess superiority in every element except minor injury. You could practically print a guide on how to beat shirkers with enough notice.

The Rager

rager zombie The rager is the zombie who catches a disease, dies – but is somehow faster, stronger, and of course angrier than his human form ever could have imagined. The benefits to this type of zombie vs. others would be few, other than maybe that they got so enraged that they hurdled themselves off a bridge or the like. Drawbacks to a rager zombie apocalypse would be the strong mobs would chase you down faster than you could run, beat you in a short fight before the kill, and probably reach you in any type of protective environment you’ve created for yourself. A rager apocalypse is not widely followed – as most of us imagine the shirker image of a zombie as the most logical form.

The Evolver

evolver zombie The evolver is a zombie who hardly even resembles a human once they’ve caught the virus. Like the rager, they’re often stronger and faster than they’re previous human state – but they’ve changed into some kind of alien life form. One could argue that this hardly even qualifies as a “zombie” anymore, but it’s the natural extension of the “rager” scenario. Benefits of the Evolver apocalypse would be an ease of identification, and emotional ease of separation in fighting them. Believe it or not, many people simply wouldn’t want to battle zombies no matter what – they look too much like us! Not the evolver though, they would be totally changed to something else. Drawbacks to the evolver apocalypse would be the increased likelihood that these new life forms would simply take over the world – heck, they’re not even dying off of a disease, so much as the virus as pushed them into a stronger state of life.

What do you say?

I’d love to throw this one to the crowd – what do you think the zombies of our final apocalypse will look like? If you think there’s unanimous agreement out there, just ask a few people, and you’ll be in a debate in no time! So, make your vote – will zombies be Shirkers, Ragers, Evolvers – or something else altogether?!

Author Bio:

Tyler Watkins is a online blogger and web contributor, his content can be found across many website genres.


  1. Great descriptions of zombies. My hubby and I are right in to the Walking Dead and often have zombie discussions. This could be a new one. Thanks :)

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